Silent Venom

Snakes On A Submarine
Silent Venom: DVD Review

Grade: B-

Alright--so the plot isn't that original. Ever since Snakes on a Plane (Widescreen New Line Platinum Series), there have been numerous rip-offs, from Snakes on a Train, to this movie, Silent Venom. The title should be Snakes On A Submarine though--that's all the plot really is.

Luke Perry (90210) plays a retiring submarine captain. For his last mission, he must take a decommissioned submarine to Okinawa, Japan. But on the way he has to pick up some scientists on a island, along with their cargo. And it's not very long before some dumb crew member gets curious, and opens up the cargo...Letting 20 highly venomous snakes loose. And then later in the movie, 2 giant genetically engineered snakes get loose...

Snakes on the brain
Remember Snakes on a Plane? It duped mainstream news outlets into believing Internet hype about the movie. And everywhere, producers of low-budget schlock were kicking themselves for not thinking of it first. So they thought of it second. And this is how, three years after Snakes on a Plane, we have Silent Venom.

I have an amazingly high tolerance for bad movies. But my one weakness is animal attack films. I prefer monsters. I've given RHI Entertainment's movies the benefit of the doubt if only because I can't tell the difference between their monster and animals-amok films. So my rule is only one stupid animal attack movie of a particular type a year. I watched Silent Venom because it was titled Sea Snakes and featured giant snakes. Giant snakes I like. Mutant snakes that look an awful lot like normal snakes only are more aggressive? That's what RHI's Vipers is for.

For the first few minutes Silent Venom teases that it's about two giant snakes. But it's...

Silent Venom... Dissonant Serenity
Silent Venom: 2 out of 10: One of the major plot points of Tim Burton's fine 1989 Batman rendition was the Joker poisoning Gotham's household products. You see, if you used a certain combination of products, a rigor-mortis like smile would appear upon your face.

I am bringing up the Joker's nefarious scheme for two reasons.

A: To avoid talking about Silent Venom; this film is a horrible example of the 'Giant CGI Snake Monster' genre. A genre itself, which is travelling into the abyss at a remarkable rate of speed; all the while new Giant CGI Snake Monster' movie releases seem to be increasing exponentionally.

B: I was hoping for a rational explanation of what is wrong with actor Krista Allen. Now Krista is still popular among a legion of Sci-Fi and B movie fans. Whether that is due to her competent performance as Tully in Feast, or perhaps young lads overhearing his Grandfather's discussion of her charms in Emmanuelle 3-7 The Space Years; (It was the...

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